Dear Readers,
I realize I have not written in a month and on the off chance that someone still reads this I figured I would add to it. And I will try to do so more now that I have passed my emotional stage of this summer.
When I look at my life this summer I cannot believe the changed that have occurred. I think about how sad I was back in May. I don't know that I can say I was depressed but my life was devoid of meaning. I was walking through a fog. I did not have much to smile about and I was zapped of my usual optimism. I went on the vacation where I was supposed to get engaged. I broke down a few times and cried quietly in the bathroom. My girl friend accompanied my family. (And that is a girl that is just a friend. I haven't changed my preference!)I have continued with my job here and later today is one of the final obligations I have to fulfill for the summer. I have a few weeks left here but when I sit back and think about what day it is I cannot believe I made it this far. I am so proud and so happy with my life right now. When I got back from vacation it was like the true grieving process was over.
I think this is the stage they call "acceptance." I have accepted what is going on in my life. I accept that for now, I am alone. I accept that I have lost some friends this summer. I accept that only certain people will always care enough to check on me. I accept that I am only human. I accept that I made mistakes and so did Brian. I accept that I am still in love. I accept that I am a work in progress.
How patient do I have to be?
-Katie Starlet
Friday, July 16, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
The One With a Flicker of Hope
Dear Readers,
Yesterday someone told me, "I will forgive you." Those words changed my life. What is better than forgiveness? Someone is allowing you to have another chance. They are accepting the past and moving forward. Well, that's how I view it. I hope that is what is means.
Life is improving, SLOWLY but surely. All I can do is see what I've done and pick up the pieces and salvage what's left. I don't understand everything right now but I can't stop life. The world will keep turning whether I have a broken heart or not. So as Morgan Freeman says in "Shawshank Redemption," "Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." I choose life.
Today, I laughed a lot. I cried just like every other day but I also laughed. I decided for once, to finish the day with laughter though instead of tears. I am reading a hilarious book and I am literally laughing out loud. I love when that happens.
Tomorrow will bring worries of it's own but as Katie Scarlet O'Hara says, "I'll think about that tomorra."
Even though there have been tears and mistakes can we try it again...please?
-Katie Starlet
Yesterday someone told me, "I will forgive you." Those words changed my life. What is better than forgiveness? Someone is allowing you to have another chance. They are accepting the past and moving forward. Well, that's how I view it. I hope that is what is means.
Life is improving, SLOWLY but surely. All I can do is see what I've done and pick up the pieces and salvage what's left. I don't understand everything right now but I can't stop life. The world will keep turning whether I have a broken heart or not. So as Morgan Freeman says in "Shawshank Redemption," "Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." I choose life.
Today, I laughed a lot. I cried just like every other day but I also laughed. I decided for once, to finish the day with laughter though instead of tears. I am reading a hilarious book and I am literally laughing out loud. I love when that happens.
Tomorrow will bring worries of it's own but as Katie Scarlet O'Hara says, "I'll think about that tomorra."
Even though there have been tears and mistakes can we try it again...please?
-Katie Starlet
Sunday, June 13, 2010
The One with Pettyness
Dear Readers,
I love love love Tom Petty. My subject today is a double entendre. One of my favorite movies is "Elizabethtown." In that movie there are two of my favorite Tom Petty songs, "Learning to Fly" and "Square One." This summer, I am learning to fly without wings. I have nothing now which also means I have nothing to lose. I have lost everything that mattered to me. Everything I loved. Everything that made me feel special. Everything that gave me hope for a future.
I believe in second chances. I believe in a hundred chances. I believe people can change for the better. That is where "Square One" comes in. My slate is clear. It took a world of trouble, it took a world of tears, it took a long time to get back here. I deserve a clean slate and second chances.
Which brings me to the other meaning, pettiness. Petty means "having little or no importance or consequence." It can also mean "showing or caused by meanness of spirit." Acting petty is a waste of time. It is meaningless. All it does is hurt and destroy people.
In "Elizabethtown" there is a family feud that has literally gone on for decades all because people cannot overcome their own stubborn and petty nature. My mother told me to never go to bed angry. It says that in the Bible too. I no longer go to bed angry let alone for weeks on end. It accomplishes nothing.
But I digress, in the movie, Susan Sarandon speaks at her husband's funeral and what she says stops everyone in their tracks and makes them realize how stupid each of them has been for so long. She says, "We were complete opposites, and it worked...The plan was to send my son to represent the family. I was terrified that you would look at me and see that woman from California who took him away...even though we only lived in California for 18 months, 27 years ago..." After that, the room was silent. And people just sat around the room looking taken aback and ashamed.
You may have noticed that I put up many song and movie quotes. That is because I truly feel we have a lot to learn from these experiences. After all, songs and movies are based on experiences people gain from real life.
Self discovery is very important. But what good will it do if you have no one to share it with?
-Katie Starlet
I love love love Tom Petty. My subject today is a double entendre. One of my favorite movies is "Elizabethtown." In that movie there are two of my favorite Tom Petty songs, "Learning to Fly" and "Square One." This summer, I am learning to fly without wings. I have nothing now which also means I have nothing to lose. I have lost everything that mattered to me. Everything I loved. Everything that made me feel special. Everything that gave me hope for a future.
I believe in second chances. I believe in a hundred chances. I believe people can change for the better. That is where "Square One" comes in. My slate is clear. It took a world of trouble, it took a world of tears, it took a long time to get back here. I deserve a clean slate and second chances.
Which brings me to the other meaning, pettiness. Petty means "having little or no importance or consequence." It can also mean "showing or caused by meanness of spirit." Acting petty is a waste of time. It is meaningless. All it does is hurt and destroy people.
In "Elizabethtown" there is a family feud that has literally gone on for decades all because people cannot overcome their own stubborn and petty nature. My mother told me to never go to bed angry. It says that in the Bible too. I no longer go to bed angry let alone for weeks on end. It accomplishes nothing.
But I digress, in the movie, Susan Sarandon speaks at her husband's funeral and what she says stops everyone in their tracks and makes them realize how stupid each of them has been for so long. She says, "We were complete opposites, and it worked...The plan was to send my son to represent the family. I was terrified that you would look at me and see that woman from California who took him away...even though we only lived in California for 18 months, 27 years ago..." After that, the room was silent. And people just sat around the room looking taken aback and ashamed.
You may have noticed that I put up many song and movie quotes. That is because I truly feel we have a lot to learn from these experiences. After all, songs and movies are based on experiences people gain from real life.
Self discovery is very important. But what good will it do if you have no one to share it with?
-Katie Starlet
The One with Holes
Dear Readers,
Here is a quote I wanted to share with you. I doctored it a bit.
I am coin in the United States mint. I was minted in the year 19--. I have been punched from sheet metal, I have been stamped and cleaned, my ridges have been rubbed and beveled. And now I have two huge holes in me. I am no longer in perfect condition. So there's something else I want to tell you. Right before everything went black, you want to know the very last thing that entered my mind?...You.
If I made a mistake, if I am flawed, if I am human, why did I lose everything?
-Katie Starlet
Here is a quote I wanted to share with you. I doctored it a bit.
I am coin in the United States mint. I was minted in the year 19--. I have been punched from sheet metal, I have been stamped and cleaned, my ridges have been rubbed and beveled. And now I have two huge holes in me. I am no longer in perfect condition. So there's something else I want to tell you. Right before everything went black, you want to know the very last thing that entered my mind?...You.
If I made a mistake, if I am flawed, if I am human, why did I lose everything?
-Katie Starlet
Thursday, June 10, 2010
The One with June 10th
Dear Readers,
Woke up, wished that I was dead, with an achin' in my head, thought of you, and where you'd gone, and the world spins madly on. -The Weepies
My favorite Co-RA contacted me today, Liz talked to me for an hour and half, Rachel e-mailed, my Dad listened to me cry, Amanda sincerely cared, Kara sympathized with me and helped me make plans to begin again tomorrow, my co-workers distracted me, my mother e-mailed me, Brett liked my status, Brentie took me to get ice cream, Ashley sat with me, and God watched over me the entire day.
and never knowin' what couldv'e been, and not seein' that love in you, is what I was trying to do. -The Rascal Flatts
To err is human; to forgive, divine.
Did you really give up on me? Two months or three years? Anger or forgiveness?
-Katie Starlet
Friday, June 4, 2010
The One for Brian
Dear Readers,
Early this morning I wrote my 35th letter. I have put my heart in the ink and put it on paper. At this point I don't know what else to do. I only know that I have done what I can. I know that my heart is big and clearly strong enough to survive the hardest time in my entire life I just hope that you can see that too. I don't need a fairytale or a ring or even chocolate and flowers, all I want is another chance with you. You are my best friend, you give me strength, you give me hope, and you have loved me when I was unlovable. I do believe there is a God and I hope he will answer both of our prayers. I love you Brian.
What do you say?
-Katie Starlet
Early this morning I wrote my 35th letter. I have put my heart in the ink and put it on paper. At this point I don't know what else to do. I only know that I have done what I can. I know that my heart is big and clearly strong enough to survive the hardest time in my entire life I just hope that you can see that too. I don't need a fairytale or a ring or even chocolate and flowers, all I want is another chance with you. You are my best friend, you give me strength, you give me hope, and you have loved me when I was unlovable. I do believe there is a God and I hope he will answer both of our prayers. I love you Brian.
What do you say?
-Katie Starlet
Monday, May 24, 2010
The One with True Friendship
Dear Readers,
Today I had a friend call me. This lit up my day. She talked to me and listened and that made all of the difference. Then I had two friends visit me. They drove to see me and we went out for drinks and dinner. It was wonderful. I laughed and I smiled. I shared my stories with them and they listened and gave some wonderful advice. It was an answer to one of my prayers to know that not just one, but several people, cared. I don't have to have someone drive to come see me but a simple phone call turned my day around.
What is a friend?
-Katie Starlet
Today I had a friend call me. This lit up my day. She talked to me and listened and that made all of the difference. Then I had two friends visit me. They drove to see me and we went out for drinks and dinner. It was wonderful. I laughed and I smiled. I shared my stories with them and they listened and gave some wonderful advice. It was an answer to one of my prayers to know that not just one, but several people, cared. I don't have to have someone drive to come see me but a simple phone call turned my day around.
What is a friend?
-Katie Starlet
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