The One with True Friendship

Dear Readers,

Today I had a friend call me. This lit up my day. She talked to me and listened and that made all of the difference. Then I had two friends visit me. They drove to see me and we went out for drinks and dinner. It was wonderful. I laughed and I smiled. I shared my stories with them and they listened and gave some wonderful advice. It was an answer to one of my prayers to know that not just one, but several people, cared. I don't have to have someone drive to come see me but a simple phone call turned my day around.

What is a friend?

-Katie Starlet

The One Where I'm Lonely

Dear Readers,

(Or lack thereof) I am lonely. Not just lonely but I feel abandoned. I know the world does not revolve around me. I am not the only one with problems but my world is falling apart right now and no one cares. No one calls, no one visits, no one.

Where have all the people gone?

-Katie Starlet

The One with the 35th Post

Dear Readers,

I am considering quitting this blog. No one reads it and I am depressed. But at least I made it to the 35th day.

Why try?

-Katie Starlet

The One Where Even Puke Won't Bring Us Together

Dear Reader,

Sorry I was unable to write yesterday. I don't have much to say right now. My life is topsy-turvy as of late. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I am making progress or if I should even try anymore. I am just so discouraged! I don't have anything positive to say right now and I have no idea what my next move will be. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.

What more can I do?

-Katie Starlet

The One with God

Dear Readers,

I went to church today and I felt good about it because I haven't been in such a long time. I feel like through all of this pain, loneliness, and sadness, I have been able to seek out God and find answers or new opportunities...even if things are not going the way I planned them. I hope these next two days are rewarding and fulfilling and that God will answer some of my prayers.

Life never goes the way we plan it does it?

-Katie Starlet

The One with Progress

Dear Readers,

I helped with a wedding today and it was such a rewarding experience. I mean that sincerely in every way possible. I almost feel like this summer was meant to change my life. "They" say in college that you find yourself. And it seems like one day, without even realizing it...you do.

The families of the bride and groom were some of the nicest people I have ever met. They were hospitable, funny, and supportive. Everything that happened today made me more and more grateful of what I have. The family primarily came from three different states but what was interesting was that more than 90% of the guests were from out of town or out of state! They traveled everything from two hours to sixteen! I can't even describe the amount of love within this family. I really wish I could get everything out now but quite frankly I'm tired.

What comes after self-discovery?

-KatieStarlet

The One with Hope

Dear Readers,

Today I experienced a glimmer of hope. I got two job interviews for next week and I am still waiting to hear back from a few places. I got to talk to my friend again. I think this is a good sign. I am excited to see what will happen next week. I am excited about giving him my masterpiece.

I am also starting to notice healthy changes in myself because of all of this. So far in my internship, I have been EARLY to every single event! Today I was 45 minutes early! I also got to visit a bookstore today which is one of my favorite places on earth. I was able to drive along many country roads and saw beautiful horses. I rolled down my window, felt the breeze and the sunshine on my face, and slowly, I am starting to have hope.

But where do I go from here?

-Katie Starlet

The One with Nothing

Dear Readers,

I'm beginning to think nobody reads this. That's okay. I only talk about myself and my sadness. Well, I won't disappoint today. I applied for a million jobs to no avail, I cleaned a house, I sat in a mall for a few hours and watched people, walked past a billion jewelry stores which made me infinitely more depressed, I finished my project, I ate food occasionally, and I watched some depressing t.v. I even went in GAP today and didn't try on a thing and just left. What is up? I'll tell you what is up...I'm lonely, losing hope, and sad all the time!

What do you do when you can't read minds or tell the future?

-Katie Starlet

The One with New Goals

Dear Readers,

Today was a tough day for me. I hope it was not nearly as hard for you. I woke up and just felt discouraged. I felt like good things were not going to happen in the future. But as always, after reflection and talking, my mood has improved. I have decided to change some habits of mine to make me physically and mentally healthier.

Also, I met one of my goals on my Bucket List. Believe it or not I have never ran a full block in a neighborhood...until today! I think it was a mixture of anger and heartbreak but I did it. Then I proceeded to walk by myself for forty minutes and I cheered up immensely! I listened to Five for Fighting, Brad Paisley, Joe Nichols, Josh Kelley, Gavin DeGraw, Jason Mraz, and more. I was able to relax, exercise, reflect, and dance a little in the street and I feel refreshed.

I spent the evening talking to my parents and working on some projects I have going on. I have a lot planned for tomorrow. I will primarily be by myself which could make me sad but I am going to choose to stay positive about this situation. My cousin reminded me today that God has a plan for me. I told her that God may have simply forgotten to give me a plan. But she said he doesn't forget and my Mom told me that He will unfold it for me in his own time. I feel like I hear that a lot lately. Well...here's to time and good things coming from it.

Do good things come to those who wait?

-Katie Starlet

The One with a Little Bit of Progress

Dear Readers,

Today, we made progress. First, I went on the hunt for jobs. I applied three places, (that was an adventure in itself) and I have even more places to apply at tomorrow. I got to run some errands and went to a meeting for my internship. And I got to watch GLEE! And last night, I caught up on many missed weeks of Grey's and Private Practice. AMAZING!

But the best part of my entire day was the call I got from my friend...sigh. I can't believe he called me. I would like to apologize to the three or so people who continually read this blog. I realize that I am mushy and sappy all over the place but I am doing it for a very important reason. I am in love but in order to get him back I must prove my love. So that is what I am trying to do.

I also must say this. Tonight, I am typing this post in my room at my desk with minimal lighting and I have FRIENDS playing softly in the background. I feel so Carrie Bradshaw. By they way, can we talk about all the movies I have to see this summer that I will be going to ALONE!? They are as follows: Iron Man 2, Sex and the City 2, Letters to Juliet, Eclipse, The Killers, The Back-Up Plan, Date Night, and more. Seriously...sad. But I will find a way to afford them and I will bring pepper spray. Well, I will let you all know how my week continues and soon I will update you on the birthday surprise I have been working on.

How far would you go for love? And what if they said...no?

-Katie Starlet

The One with Productivity

Dear Readers,

Today I spent a lot of time with my cousin again. She must be one of the most patient people in the world because I could talk for hours about my life! She listened and provided some excellent advice. I feel like I am working so hard and I hope it is not in vain. I am so in love but sometimes love takes time and pain and even punishment. But it is so nice to have someone to talk to about it.

To thank her I helped clean the whole house and pack and I even changed a dirty diaper! It was a lot of fun. I continued to drive around and find my way around this new city. I am prepared for a very busy day tomorrow. I regret that I don't have much else to say.

Do you think kind gestures make a difference? Can the good times between people far outweigh the bad?

-Katie Starlet

The One with the Tea Party

Dear Readers,

I have started an internship and I am pretty sure I love it! More about that at a future date. So I'm terribly sorry I did not write yesterday. I am still without Internet access and I am having to have people transcribe what I say to them.

Today, I got to spend most of the day with my baby cousins. One of them is two and the other is four weeks old! I am so in love with them and they are not even my children. I would literally do anything for them! The 2-year old wanted to bake me cookies and then pulled out her play set which includes slice and bake cookies (that are held together with velcro) and oven mitts, an apron, and a chef's hat. Adorable, I know! She proceeds to feed me and then thinks up the idea to have a tea party. You can imagine my delight when she said this because when I was little I had a little pink tea set and I made everyone who came in the door have a tea party with me. I wasn't bossy, I just wanted to talk to everyone I could. I have always had a lot to say!

So four of us sat down to tea and it was a memory I know I will never forget. My older cousin, (their mother) is one of the best people I have ever known. She also happens to be one of my very best friends. She made us tea and strawberry shortcake with fresh strawberries and blueberries on top! It was exceptional!

While we were eating, I held the baby in my arms. I also got to hold her earlier for about an hour and rocked her in a chair. I even dozed a little myself! What a wonderful way to spend a Sunday! I already knew I wanted children but I am always amazed at how they continually make me grin from ear to ear. I love my babies more than life itself and I haven't even had them yet! I also have to thank my baby cousins for the happiness the provided in my life today in what would have otherwise been a very lonely and sad day.

What a gift from God. Not only that, but the mothers who raise them. I only hope that I can be a wonderful influence on my children someday. And while I am at it I may as well tell you that I love my mother. I respect her more than almost anyone. The things I get from her are my humor, my height, my people skills, my love for chocolate, and my perserverance. What wonderful gifts.

What women have made a difference in your life? And what is the impact you want to have on your children?

-Katie Starlet

The One that He Can't Fathom

Dear Readers,

I don't have internet access, I'll try to write soon.

What do we do when words don't mean anything?

-Katie Starlet

The One where Life Changes

Dear Readers,
Sometimes things happen in life that cause you to stop and think. My world has changed. I am in love with someone that I can't have . . . yet. I have made mistakes and I have to face the consequences but this reality check has allowed me to see what is truly important to me in life. I can't take back what I have done but I can move forward. I will do everything in my power to get him back.
How long are you willing to wait for love?
-Katie Starlet

The One with the Blessing of Friendship

Dear Readers,

Today was so pleasant. I think that is the perfect word for it. I have been going through a lot lately as you well know but it is so nice to be surrounded by people I love. My day started in the wee hours of the morning while visiting my brother. I got to talk to him for hours and just laugh. I stayed up all night until I finally passed out for three hours.

Then I got to eat lunch with one of my girlfriends. We had such a good time. We stayed at the restaurant for two hours and I wonder why I didn't visit with her regularly all semester. Immediately following that rendezvous I met up with another girlfriend and I got to see her new house. I was very impressed with all the work she has put into painting the house and gardening. I can't wait until I get the opportunity to fix up a home.

Believe it or not that was not even half of my day. I went to my friend's house to deliver a card and got to visit with him for a while and watch some soccer. The last stop of my day was to deliver a wedding present to a friend because unfortunately I have to miss her wedding.

After all of my journeys today I am reminded what a blessing it is to have friends. I have found friends in the most interesting ways. I have found the friends I have needed most in the most unexpected situations. What is even better is that I have an over-abundance of friends. I am not bragging about this and I am certainly not complaining; I am just grateful to have people I can go to about any situation. Today I feel loved and supported. I only hope that I am as good to them as they are to me.

What do you think? What makes a friend?

-Katie Starlet

The One with the Lethal Distractions

Dear Readers,

There were good parts and there were bad parts of my day yesterday. But today, I begin again. I am going to go visit my brother at his school. I will get a nice drive out of it, some nice company when I get there, and hopefully some distractions. I have been working hard to prepare myself for this summer. I can't prepare myself emotionally but I am physically putting everything in their respective boxes. It is hard doing this alone! But if anyone can its me.

I should explain my title for today. I have now watched all of the Lethal Weapon movies and I LOVE them! They are hilarious and action-packed and the comedic timing is perfect! They have been the perfect thing to watch because there is no sappiness or sad music; just gunfire and explosions!

What I have learned about myself today is that sometimes I need to back off. It is SO hard for me to sit back and do nothing. I am a passionate person and impatient and those things do not get along well together. But I am learning that I will have to wait for some things in life. And the thing I want most in the world is going to take time to get back. I have started to pray again regularly and that is already making a different in my life.

What do you think? Are the best things in life worth waiting for?

-Katie Starlet

The One with Accomplistments

Dear Readers,

Today I fixed my printer. Now, this may sound like a very small accomplishment to you but it is not to me. My printer has been out of order for at least six months so to get it running again is a miracle. I was just fiddling with it and suddenly discovered the problem. And I did it all by myself!

I also went shoe shopping with my mom which always makes me happy. I feel bad having to sugar coat my life to my family sometimes though. They ask me if I'm doing okay and certain questions about some of the people in my life and lately, I have had to fib a little. But only a little. I don't want them to worry anymore than they already do.

I learned more about myself today. I learned that sometimes I rely too much on other people. Like if I want a soft drink or a magazine I would ask someone to go get it for me. This is also how I would get my printer fixed. There is nothing wrong with asking for help but today I learned that sometimes I can go without those things or I can fix them myself.

I have to stay positive because if I don't, I don't know what will happen. The weirdest part is that I haven't cried, really cried, in months. Have my tear ducts swollen shut? Where have all the tears gone?

-Katie Starlet

The One with Where God Opens a Window

Dear Readers,

Yesterday I felt like I was sinking and today God threw me a life raft. I hope I don't get too sappy on you but that is the way I am feeling. Also, I should warn you that for a while this blog will be a journal of my self-discovery. This probably won't affect too many people because I don't even know if anyone really reads this.

Today I started over. I am attempting to better myself both for my own self confidence and for the person I have lost. I am going to record all of the things I improve upon and also all of the things I realize I can do by myself. I don't mean this to be a way of saying "I don't need anyone" I just want to prove to myself that I can be independent again and believe in my own abilities.

Today I went to my friend's open house alone. I drove an hour away by myself without getting lost. I then went by myself again to my grandma's 80th birthday party. I actually had a wonderful time both places. I am so blessed that I still have grandparents left and in such good health. I have a feeling I will be writing about them on Thursday. I got to see family that I had not seen in a long time today. There was exceptional food and lots of laughter.

Its interesting to me how I can feel so much love for my family. That may sound weird but now I am specifically focusing on my parents. A few years ago I would not have sounded so cheery when referring to them but now when we speak to each other it is almost as if I am an equal. We can have intelligent conversations and talk about "big people" issues.

And a miracle happened. I have an issue I have been dealing with since last year. I can't divulge all the information but rest assured I am not crazy or anything or in danger of going to prison. But I have really been struggling for a while. Although one part of my life...the best part of my life...ended yesterday, "God still sees [me] out of the corner of his eye," to quote one of my favorite movies, The Count of Monte Cristo.

Another quote I love actually comes from the movie, Serendipity, and Jeremy Piven says, "When God closes one door, he opens a window." That happened to me today. My parents are the answer to one of my prayers today. And the business I had and all the driving I had to do distracted me from thinking about what I've lost. I have been struggling so much with God lately. It is not at all that I don't believe it is just that I have not felt moved to pray lately. What is so amazing about God though is that even when I have forgotten Him, he never forgets me.

I don't know my future and I don't know how I will feel tomorrow. But I do know that right now I am watching an intensely scary movie all by myself. These are things I normally would not do alone; but because of today, I don't feel so alone.

What have you done recently that was out of your comfort zone and made you feel independent?

-Katie Starlet

The One Where I Give Up

Dear Readers,

Yesterday when I woke up I had no idea it would be the worst day of my life. But it was. This may sound stupid and dramatic but to me it was the worst day, moment, hour, minute of my life so far. I have no details. I have no stories. I have no explanations. But I quit. I'm done. I give up.

How much can the human heart take before it breaks?

-Katie Starlet