The One with Where God Opens a Window

Dear Readers,

Yesterday I felt like I was sinking and today God threw me a life raft. I hope I don't get too sappy on you but that is the way I am feeling. Also, I should warn you that for a while this blog will be a journal of my self-discovery. This probably won't affect too many people because I don't even know if anyone really reads this.

Today I started over. I am attempting to better myself both for my own self confidence and for the person I have lost. I am going to record all of the things I improve upon and also all of the things I realize I can do by myself. I don't mean this to be a way of saying "I don't need anyone" I just want to prove to myself that I can be independent again and believe in my own abilities.

Today I went to my friend's open house alone. I drove an hour away by myself without getting lost. I then went by myself again to my grandma's 80th birthday party. I actually had a wonderful time both places. I am so blessed that I still have grandparents left and in such good health. I have a feeling I will be writing about them on Thursday. I got to see family that I had not seen in a long time today. There was exceptional food and lots of laughter.

Its interesting to me how I can feel so much love for my family. That may sound weird but now I am specifically focusing on my parents. A few years ago I would not have sounded so cheery when referring to them but now when we speak to each other it is almost as if I am an equal. We can have intelligent conversations and talk about "big people" issues.

And a miracle happened. I have an issue I have been dealing with since last year. I can't divulge all the information but rest assured I am not crazy or anything or in danger of going to prison. But I have really been struggling for a while. Although one part of my life...the best part of my life...ended yesterday, "God still sees [me] out of the corner of his eye," to quote one of my favorite movies, The Count of Monte Cristo.

Another quote I love actually comes from the movie, Serendipity, and Jeremy Piven says, "When God closes one door, he opens a window." That happened to me today. My parents are the answer to one of my prayers today. And the business I had and all the driving I had to do distracted me from thinking about what I've lost. I have been struggling so much with God lately. It is not at all that I don't believe it is just that I have not felt moved to pray lately. What is so amazing about God though is that even when I have forgotten Him, he never forgets me.

I don't know my future and I don't know how I will feel tomorrow. But I do know that right now I am watching an intensely scary movie all by myself. These are things I normally would not do alone; but because of today, I don't feel so alone.

What have you done recently that was out of your comfort zone and made you feel independent?

-Katie Starlet